In Passing

Gorgeous landscapes, detailed flowers, delightful sculptures, collages of pictures are just a few ways in which my Grandmother expressed her depth of character. She passed away this week and I was able to observe the beauty she provided our family in ways I didn't see before. It got me thinking about her paintings that adorned her home. Each painting meant something different in each stage of my life. Sometimes I would pass by them and think, that's pretty, other times I would notice the colors, soft and light. Other times I would sit and stare at them imagining myself in them breathing the air and then there were times when I walked right passed them forgetting their elegant presence.

Well, a month before her passing, Grandma wrote a letter to her family. She had five incredible boys and many grandchildren. Her words were heartfelt and endearing, with many words of wisdom and love. As I read them, I could see the brush stokes that guided her life's painting. I could see the love she had for her boys and ultimately those around her who loved her. In words, she painted her last piece of art.

There will be times in my life where I will read that letter and notice that it was nice or times when I will notice the colors of kindness. There will be times when I notice the spirit of what she said and the friendship she held with me. And there may be times when it sits in a drawer unnoticed. But I know that when I pay more attention to the joys and the humor and love I will find myself in a much happier place, like in one of her landscapes.

I know that it is the way we treat our husbands that make us better women. It is when we are truly calm and listening that we can see our husbands for who they really are. Grandma wrote this, "I want you to treat your husbands well and love them and be kind and considerate." She also wrote, "A man has such strength, courage and such a strong desire to take care of his wife and family."

We can truly paint a masterpiece when we love and support our husbands and I am so grateful that Grandma taught me that.

Challenge: Write a heart-felt letter to your husband.

Pressure's Off

Most of us have felt the weight of pressure in one way or another. Most of us know that when the doctor says you might feel some pressure, they really mean pain. Pressure in some areas of life feel good, like when someone is pushing on your back or messaging your shoulders. But pressure in the wrong place can make you insane to stop it, like pressure in your head from a migraine.

Well, guess what? Our husbands are under pressure. It seems they are under more pressure then they have been in times past. There are so many different pressures then there have ever been. The weight of a full house which includes filling stomachs, filling backpacks, filling physical and emotional needs, and filling teeth (if your kids get cavities like mine, ha). I have to admit I have been a major factor to this pressure, my emotional swings, frustration with lack of funds, orneriness at having to help out.

Maybe this is something boys learn as they wrestle endlessly or play football, but I can just imagine my husband at the very bottom of that pile of pressure. He's got three knees in his back, two elbows in his rear and thigh, one big shoulder on his cheek and a big stinky foot in his face, not to mention 500 pounds of weight crushing in on his ribs and lungs. How much longer can he really handle that.

As long as I can acknowledge that I am a part of that pressure, I can help get it off. That's why this week, I challenge myself to take the pressure off my husband. I know I can't get it all off but if I can serve him by bettering something as simple as my attitude then I am willing to make that choice. Pressure's off, babe :)

Challenge: Pick one thing this week to tackle without nagging your husband about it.

Photo by flash_nerd

Sink Hole

Imagine you are walking along a parched desert path, where the ground is sapped of every last bit of moisture. The only thing you can see in every direction is flat solid ground. You keep walking forward, toward an unknown destination and suddenly the ground gives out from under you. You feel yourself dropping and the ground around you crumbling. Your heart races and you grab desperately for something to hold on too. You finally hit the ground beneath you, dust rising everywhere. What would you being saying to yourself?

I would be saying, "What in the crap? Where did that come from?" Well this week, I had a What in the crap, where did that come from kind of day. I wish I could say that there were no signs but they were there.

This time imagine you are walking along with an ipod in your ears and your playing an intense game on your phone. When you hit the ground, you look up from the dusty hole and see a big red sign that says Warning: Sink Holes.

We just need to pay attention. My husband gets the brunt of my lack of attention and it's not okay. This week I want to do better. I want to be paying attention to my signs so I don't shatter the foundation he is trying to provide. Our hubby's are strong and they want to be able to reach out and give us an arm to hold on to when we lose our footing. They are our best help when there is a real sink hole approaching.

It's easy to use kind words, when we feel safety under our feet. It's when that fear of falling is in our midst that we are truly tested in our words. Kind words when things are uncertain are the kindest of all.

Challenge: Use kind words in the face of a frustrating moment this week.

Grumpy Lately

Here are some symptoms: wake-up groggy, don't eat breakfast, start telling your kids to do something instead of ask, can't manage your time, want to get back in bed, permanent crease in your forehead, eat crappy, find yourself folding your arms in discontent instead of folding your arms in supplication. Just to name a few!

Have you ever noticed that you might be starting something that you do NOT want to catch on? I have been nit picking my hubby lately. Why is he doing that? Or why can't he do this? Just a vague general nit pickiness. Nothing in particular, just another symptom of my overall grumpiness.

I realized my behavior was catching on today when I made a small comment that seemed harmless in my current state and he snapped back at me. I felt like a defensive cat as everything contorted and cringed in my body. I almost heard the vicious hiss come from my teeth. Luckily he got a phone call and left me to fume in my current ready-to-pounce state. As the wave of anger subsided, an understanding of what was left was revealed to me and it looked just like this picture. It may have been slightly more resonant if I was in front of a mirror. I thought back on last night and the past couple days. I thought through my actions and my perspective. I have been only thinking about me. Me, me and some more me. Therefor, the only eyes I had to look at others were distorted and GRUMPY.

So I'm challenging myself to make a list of the symptoms I want: wake-up excited for the day, eat something healthy for breakfast, ask my kids if they need my help with something, plan my day, get some fresh air, smile more, find a new recipe and make it for dinner or revamp an old fav, take some time to say my prayers, and for goodness sakes don't spread anything you wouldn't mind catching on.

Challenge: Make a list of your favorite symptoms.

One on One

When my husband was 20 years old he was challenged to a one on one game of basketball by a wealthy business man 3 times his age. They played a well fought game with my husband leading most the game, but not by much. Eventually the game ended when the wealthy man tied the game and then walked off the court. I don't know if that man was a sore loser or trying to prove a point.

I've often thought about that story and why it meant so much to my husband. It was a memory he will never forget. It was hard for me to understand why, until the other day. After months and months of working on a certain project, my husband was blown off. Normally, this wouldn't bother me, it's part of the game. But I was suddenly drawn to the story with the wealthy businessman. I had been focusing on the wrong part of the story. I didn't even realize that my husband had not been focusing on the minor detail that he didn't win, but on the game itself. I realized that the best way for my husband to get through the hacking, fouling, shoving aspects of this business, he needed to see who he was becoming because of the game.

My husband is a business man and he works hard in every possible way. He makes phone calls, meets up with people, shows respect to those who have gone before him, and remains honest in an otherwise questionable environment. He runs errands, works with all kinds of jerks, and continually humbles himself. He would not brag about what he does or burn any bridges. Although he has times when he feels injured or benched, he is the guy I want playing when times get tough because he has been through it. He continues to go through it everyday. It doesn't matter how it ends, what matters is that he remained honest, upfront, and never gave up. What matters is that his character is in tact and his heart is still pounding with the knowledge that he fought his best.

Challenge: Grab a basketball, volleyball, soccer ball, baseball or whatever you like best and play with your husband, one on one :)

Past Judgement

I passed judgement! I passed it swiftly, too swiftly. My husband and I were talking and I said that he thought he was better then someone. The look on his face revealed the truth. His face went confused and then turned to concern and then he spoke gently, "I have never thought that." He looked hurt and I felt a small gavel slam in my chest. I had misjudged him.

Lucky for me, my husband didn't take offense but I kept thinking about that conversation. It wasn't an argument it was just a passing conversation and although it was small in significance, it was moment of realization for me. How often have I grabbed a symbolic gavel in my life and slammed it down without saying a word? Had I done this many times before with my husband without checking my facts?

I know I have done this many times and it has probably caused myself and him much pain. Now, I don't think I should say whatever I feel in the moment but I should definitely use my personal judgement and empathy to decide if my feelings are warranted.

I am finding judgement to be a personal journey for me. It is an essential part in a humans physical and spiritual growth. It keeps us from running out in the street, or going into an unsafe place. It can tell us when we've gone to far or missed an opportunity. It is just as important for me to pass judgement as it is for me to overrule judgements. When it comes to my husband, we can compare and contrast judgments. In the end, it is those judgements that help us find the middle ground.

Challenge: Use your judgement this week and ask your husband what he is thinking before you pick up the gavel.


Photo by scottamus on flickr

Sending It Out

I have believed for some time that if you send positive energy out you will receive positive energy back. It is truly the work of the spirit that connects us all. There is a connection that is only pure within the walls of our body and mind that swells when we are doing something good. It is ultimately why I started this blog.


My husband has that spiritual swelling when he has a conversation with others. I don't even thinks he knows it, but when he speaks to those he meets I can almost see that person become lighter as they talk to him. For instance, the other day, he went into an office to basically ask for a favor. He said when he walked in the woman at the desk was in a bad mood and did not want anything to do with him. When I asked how the interaction ended he said that she warmed up to him and told him she would do what she could to help.


Now if that were me, I'd have left that office with a story about a mean ol' lady! He truly has a gift. I think it is because of the knowledge I've gained from watching him over the years that has taught me that what you send out, you can receive.


Challenge: Find out what your husband is good at and ask him to teach you how to become better at that skill. Let him be the expert.

Photo by gunnel

We Take Care of We

I heard someone say the other day, "In order for me to love anyone outside myself, I first have to fall in love with myself." I've heard this comment many times in different ways. I like it and I don't like it. I like it because it reminds me of a fundamental importance in my life; I need to take care of me. And I don't like it because of a fundamental importance in my life; the more you forget yourself the more you find yourself.

I have recently started running a few times a week. It is hard to find the motivation but I actually feel better. Before I was running, I found myself nagging my husband with more volume. Now I unconsciously turned down the dial on my nagging. My husband has started to find ways to get a workout in here and there. He seems to be feeling better as well. We are slowly crawling out of our self-pity caves and feeling the bright sun on our faces. We are standing hand in hand. I'm so glad he is with me!

I take care of me. He takes care of he. But most importantly we take care of we. I won't always be in the sun and neither will he but if we are both there to coax each other out of those sorry caves then we are losing ourselves because we are we.

Challenge: Go for a walk and hold your Husband's hand.

American Husband

My husband is an American. He is not afraid to stand up for the standards he feels are most precious to this country. He works hard and he plays hard. And when times are bad, he reaches deep inside himself to make the right choice, the choice that is not most popular, but the choice that keeps his conscience in line with his heart. He loves this country.


When I think of America, I see my husband. Why, when America seems to be struggling at the moment? Well, here's what I see. I see my husband struggling to make ends meet. With that struggle, I find him looking for something to stop the pain of not being able to provide for his kids. What he has found to soothe that pain is more precious then gold. It's not video games, not alcohol, not drugs, not pornography. He has found time. He has found time with his kids that he didn't have before. He has found opportunity to fortify his children as they go out to face their world. He has found those tender moments with each child where time and thought are mingled with conversations. He has seen the light in their eyes when he sometimes can't find the light in his own. He has looked to the heart and not to the carnal needs of entitlement. He has embraced the friendships of his children while setting limits and allow consequences to teach. He would love to be rescued from our financial state but because he sees the beauty in allowing his children to struggle from time to time, he has found wisdom and empathy. His survival in these tough times does not come from something manufactured, it comes from finding the good in the struggle. And that is why my husband is America!


My husband is America because he loves, respects, and guides his family without taking away their most precious learning experiences. Without the struggle of going without, he would not have found the strong person he is today. When America is made up of men who find preciousness in struggles, it will stand strong.

Challenge: Talk to your husband about what America means to him.

Not All Peaches And Cream

Today, I let my selfishness get the better of me. Today, I pushed when I should have pulled. Today, I missed an opportunity to help.

My husband is a big dreamer. He eats, drinks, breaths, and sleeps his dreams. I'm not talking about Mr. Alex in Wonderland kind of dreams, I'm talking about his dreams of seeing himself where he wants to be. Beautiful home, healthy kids, a vacation to spend with just his wife, and a sporty airplane with himself as the pilot. It's almost like a hobby for him to imagine that day.

But there are those days when I see him letting go of those dreams. I do want him to believe that his life is beautiful today, in the present, but it hurts to see him say, "Oh, well" to his bigger dreams. When I see him giving up, I jump into a state of panic. Like today. He was about to leave the house with an attitude of "whatever happens happens, I can't do anything about it" and I stopped him. With all the temptations out their to give up and quit I couldn't let him leave the house already giving up. So I pounced. Not the good kind of pounce either. I used vicious words to get his attention. I tried to use words to get him to fight back, to prove me wrong. What good is that? How can negative words ever help someone?

It's not all peaches and cream. Some days I wake up frustrated and angry and all I want to do is blame someone else for making me fear the unknown. If I can't look at someone without getting frustrated then maybe I am taking the wrong action. Maybe opposition in all things means that when I want to scream, I should laugh or when I want to push away I should pull close. Maybe when all I feel is negative, I should oppose that with all my might. That way, when things are good for me, I can clear the path for them.

It may not make sense but without tasting the bad, peaches and cream wouldn't be so good.

Challenge: Make something delicious for your hubby tonight.

A Mary Banks Life

One of my favorite movies of all times is It's A Wonderful Life by Frank Capra. It's a beautiful depiction of the struggles one man faces when it comes to life and relationships. I can't help but compare in my own sphere the struggles my husband faces. George Banks is continually confronted with a choice between the right thing to do for others OR the right thing to do for himself. Towards the end, he is overcome with despair that he always chose the right thing to do for others. On Christmas Eve, when he was making that critical choice between life or death, his wife was sounding the call, "George is in trouble." At the end, he is able to see all the faces of those he had chosen above himself over the years. It's an incredible journey of realization.

There are times when I see the weight of the world on my husbands shoulders, as I'm sure many wives do. Those times when he chooses to help a family member when he'd rather be watching sports center. When he wakes up early Saturday morning to help strangers move when he'd rather sleep in. The countless times when he builds a friendship instead of making a quick buck. The times when he chooses family when he could be out golfing.

He is a better person because of these small choices. Imagine the boost he would get from a wife's words of encouragement. Just a few words can make a big difference in his life. Mary Banks knew that better then anyone.

Challenge: Give your husband a meaningful compliment next time you see him :)

Simple Smile

Hello you awesome husband-loving wives out there, this blog is for you! I had a wonderful thought today and it wasn't about how I wanna shape up my tush or cut back my calories or even write down another affirmation on a post-it to stick on my mirror. The thought was about my husband. It was a small simple thought but it was about him. He gave me a smile and I was suddenly launched into a state of gratitude.

Here is a guy who hasn't made a ton of money, he hasn't become the ultimate fighting champion, he hasn't played on the PGA tour and he has never been sky diving. In worldly eyes, he would be about as important as the Z-list celebrity's mail man (who gets mail anymore anyway). But you would never know if you saw the way he smiled at me today.

Now I'm not writing this blog to brag about my husband, but I'm writing to remind us (me and you, of course) that our husbands work hard for us. They carry the weight of a provider, protector, lover, counselor (once a month), father, brother, son and husband. My husband continues to face each day in this struggling economy. He continues to wake up and do his best to provide, even if it's not a ton of money. He continues to fight and protect our family, even if he's not the ultimate fighting champion. He continues to laugh and play with us, even if he's not on the PGA tour. He continues to take risks for our dreams, even if he's not jumping out of an airplane.

So here I write about the Husband That Could because if we don't believe then what is he fighting for.

Challenge: Give your husband an extra long hug tonight.