Lone Tree

When I was a young pre-teen, my family would go hiking. We would just pull the car over during a long trip and go hike up the first mountain we came across. I don't even remember if there were trails, we would make our own anyway. My favorite hike ever was when we went hiking on Bell rock in Sedona, AZ. The red rock was beautiful as it reached high above the green trees around it. My brother and I had strong legs back then, we would race up as fast as we could, my dad being close behind. There were a hundred ways to climb towards the beginning but as the terrain got more difficult I would end up following my brother's path. As we reached the edge of our abilities, we reached the edge of the trail. I remember panting as we walked out on the edge of a huge red boulder. Looking back down towards my mom and sisters making their way up, I saw just how high we had come. I remember sitting down for a rest and looking out along the mountain. I distinctly remember a lone tree sitting on a huge boulder. It was the most beautiful tree I had ever seen, with its outstretched branches and green leaves against the smooth sandy red rock. It had grown through the harshest of environment: wind, rain, hardly any soil. There it stood more beautiful then any other. This tree was an example to me, then and now. Sometimes I wonder why my husband has to be around the harsh and crude language, why the battle of providing for his family rages on day after day. I wonder when he will get a break to notice how far he has really come, how much he has really grown. When will he see how strong he is or how hard he has worked to keep us rooted? I find that the times when I am being that tree myself showing that I can be strong, he gets that sparkle back, he finds that hope to hold on. But when I show him the wind and rain and the frustrations of the day, he sees the frustrations in his own life. I can help him by reflecting the joys of strength in my daily life, so he can see who he is and what he provides for us. Challenge: This week be the tree for your husband. Show him the strength you have by sharing what you love about your life. Notice what he sees in himself. Photo by L-T-L Dick Jensen

Black Hole

I have definitely been in a black hole the past six months and I have to admit, much of my relationship with my husband has suffered. I think that black hole started within my heart, a place I never wanted it to reach. I found myself searching for a problem because nothing was going the way I wanted it to. Nothing was convenient, nothing was exciting, happy, or fulfilling. Nothing was everything. And this may surprise you but everywhere I looked I found nothing.

My husband has been struggling for the past six months (not a coincidence) with his confidence. Many times he has walked into a business situation ready to find a solution and came out with nothing. Not only did he feel unfulfilled and devoid of accomplishment, he had to come home to tell me about it. I would be waiting by the phone or listening for the garage door to sound. I would be excited to hear the solution to our problems, a something amongst all the nothing piling up around us. I can just hear the music in my husband's head, you know, the song of the prisoner walking to the gallows. Dum dum da dum, dum da dum da dum da dum. I'm sure if he had any humor left in his stressed out body, he would have said, "Hi Honey, I'm home and I got nothing." And he would have hoped I said back, "No worries, babe. All we need is you, just the way you are."

How I wish I could say that's how those interactions ended but it was not so. The black hole that was sucking the life out of me was trying to suck others in with it.

But you know, I couldn't have told you that the black hole was me. I couldn't have realized I was the black hole unless I found some light. A black hole cannot be seen without a light, dim or bright. As much as I thought I was looking for the problems, I forgot to turn on the light. How do you fight the nothing inside yourself? I wish the answer was simple, quick, easy, but of course it takes choice, time, and determination. Today, in this moment, I choose to turn up the light by seeing what I love, not what I hate. And guess what? I love my husband and that is enough.

Challenge: Find the light source within yourself. Make a list of the things you love.

In Passing

Gorgeous landscapes, detailed flowers, delightful sculptures, collages of pictures are just a few ways in which my Grandmother expressed her depth of character. She passed away this week and I was able to observe the beauty she provided our family in ways I didn't see before. It got me thinking about her paintings that adorned her home. Each painting meant something different in each stage of my life. Sometimes I would pass by them and think, that's pretty, other times I would notice the colors, soft and light. Other times I would sit and stare at them imagining myself in them breathing the air and then there were times when I walked right passed them forgetting their elegant presence.

Well, a month before her passing, Grandma wrote a letter to her family. She had five incredible boys and many grandchildren. Her words were heartfelt and endearing, with many words of wisdom and love. As I read them, I could see the brush stokes that guided her life's painting. I could see the love she had for her boys and ultimately those around her who loved her. In words, she painted her last piece of art.

There will be times in my life where I will read that letter and notice that it was nice or times when I will notice the colors of kindness. There will be times when I notice the spirit of what she said and the friendship she held with me. And there may be times when it sits in a drawer unnoticed. But I know that when I pay more attention to the joys and the humor and love I will find myself in a much happier place, like in one of her landscapes.

I know that it is the way we treat our husbands that make us better women. It is when we are truly calm and listening that we can see our husbands for who they really are. Grandma wrote this, "I want you to treat your husbands well and love them and be kind and considerate." She also wrote, "A man has such strength, courage and such a strong desire to take care of his wife and family."

We can truly paint a masterpiece when we love and support our husbands and I am so grateful that Grandma taught me that.

Challenge: Write a heart-felt letter to your husband.

Pressure's Off

Most of us have felt the weight of pressure in one way or another. Most of us know that when the doctor says you might feel some pressure, they really mean pain. Pressure in some areas of life feel good, like when someone is pushing on your back or messaging your shoulders. But pressure in the wrong place can make you insane to stop it, like pressure in your head from a migraine.

Well, guess what? Our husbands are under pressure. It seems they are under more pressure then they have been in times past. There are so many different pressures then there have ever been. The weight of a full house which includes filling stomachs, filling backpacks, filling physical and emotional needs, and filling teeth (if your kids get cavities like mine, ha). I have to admit I have been a major factor to this pressure, my emotional swings, frustration with lack of funds, orneriness at having to help out.

Maybe this is something boys learn as they wrestle endlessly or play football, but I can just imagine my husband at the very bottom of that pile of pressure. He's got three knees in his back, two elbows in his rear and thigh, one big shoulder on his cheek and a big stinky foot in his face, not to mention 500 pounds of weight crushing in on his ribs and lungs. How much longer can he really handle that.

As long as I can acknowledge that I am a part of that pressure, I can help get it off. That's why this week, I challenge myself to take the pressure off my husband. I know I can't get it all off but if I can serve him by bettering something as simple as my attitude then I am willing to make that choice. Pressure's off, babe :)

Challenge: Pick one thing this week to tackle without nagging your husband about it.

Photo by flash_nerd

Sink Hole

Imagine you are walking along a parched desert path, where the ground is sapped of every last bit of moisture. The only thing you can see in every direction is flat solid ground. You keep walking forward, toward an unknown destination and suddenly the ground gives out from under you. You feel yourself dropping and the ground around you crumbling. Your heart races and you grab desperately for something to hold on too. You finally hit the ground beneath you, dust rising everywhere. What would you being saying to yourself?

I would be saying, "What in the crap? Where did that come from?" Well this week, I had a What in the crap, where did that come from kind of day. I wish I could say that there were no signs but they were there.

This time imagine you are walking along with an ipod in your ears and your playing an intense game on your phone. When you hit the ground, you look up from the dusty hole and see a big red sign that says Warning: Sink Holes.

We just need to pay attention. My husband gets the brunt of my lack of attention and it's not okay. This week I want to do better. I want to be paying attention to my signs so I don't shatter the foundation he is trying to provide. Our hubby's are strong and they want to be able to reach out and give us an arm to hold on to when we lose our footing. They are our best help when there is a real sink hole approaching.

It's easy to use kind words, when we feel safety under our feet. It's when that fear of falling is in our midst that we are truly tested in our words. Kind words when things are uncertain are the kindest of all.

Challenge: Use kind words in the face of a frustrating moment this week.

Grumpy Lately

Here are some symptoms: wake-up groggy, don't eat breakfast, start telling your kids to do something instead of ask, can't manage your time, want to get back in bed, permanent crease in your forehead, eat crappy, find yourself folding your arms in discontent instead of folding your arms in supplication. Just to name a few!

Have you ever noticed that you might be starting something that you do NOT want to catch on? I have been nit picking my hubby lately. Why is he doing that? Or why can't he do this? Just a vague general nit pickiness. Nothing in particular, just another symptom of my overall grumpiness.

I realized my behavior was catching on today when I made a small comment that seemed harmless in my current state and he snapped back at me. I felt like a defensive cat as everything contorted and cringed in my body. I almost heard the vicious hiss come from my teeth. Luckily he got a phone call and left me to fume in my current ready-to-pounce state. As the wave of anger subsided, an understanding of what was left was revealed to me and it looked just like this picture. It may have been slightly more resonant if I was in front of a mirror. I thought back on last night and the past couple days. I thought through my actions and my perspective. I have been only thinking about me. Me, me and some more me. Therefor, the only eyes I had to look at others were distorted and GRUMPY.

So I'm challenging myself to make a list of the symptoms I want: wake-up excited for the day, eat something healthy for breakfast, ask my kids if they need my help with something, plan my day, get some fresh air, smile more, find a new recipe and make it for dinner or revamp an old fav, take some time to say my prayers, and for goodness sakes don't spread anything you wouldn't mind catching on.

Challenge: Make a list of your favorite symptoms.

One on One

When my husband was 20 years old he was challenged to a one on one game of basketball by a wealthy business man 3 times his age. They played a well fought game with my husband leading most the game, but not by much. Eventually the game ended when the wealthy man tied the game and then walked off the court. I don't know if that man was a sore loser or trying to prove a point.

I've often thought about that story and why it meant so much to my husband. It was a memory he will never forget. It was hard for me to understand why, until the other day. After months and months of working on a certain project, my husband was blown off. Normally, this wouldn't bother me, it's part of the game. But I was suddenly drawn to the story with the wealthy businessman. I had been focusing on the wrong part of the story. I didn't even realize that my husband had not been focusing on the minor detail that he didn't win, but on the game itself. I realized that the best way for my husband to get through the hacking, fouling, shoving aspects of this business, he needed to see who he was becoming because of the game.

My husband is a business man and he works hard in every possible way. He makes phone calls, meets up with people, shows respect to those who have gone before him, and remains honest in an otherwise questionable environment. He runs errands, works with all kinds of jerks, and continually humbles himself. He would not brag about what he does or burn any bridges. Although he has times when he feels injured or benched, he is the guy I want playing when times get tough because he has been through it. He continues to go through it everyday. It doesn't matter how it ends, what matters is that he remained honest, upfront, and never gave up. What matters is that his character is in tact and his heart is still pounding with the knowledge that he fought his best.

Challenge: Grab a basketball, volleyball, soccer ball, baseball or whatever you like best and play with your husband, one on one :)