One on One

When my husband was 20 years old he was challenged to a one on one game of basketball by a wealthy business man 3 times his age. They played a well fought game with my husband leading most the game, but not by much. Eventually the game ended when the wealthy man tied the game and then walked off the court. I don't know if that man was a sore loser or trying to prove a point.

I've often thought about that story and why it meant so much to my husband. It was a memory he will never forget. It was hard for me to understand why, until the other day. After months and months of working on a certain project, my husband was blown off. Normally, this wouldn't bother me, it's part of the game. But I was suddenly drawn to the story with the wealthy businessman. I had been focusing on the wrong part of the story. I didn't even realize that my husband had not been focusing on the minor detail that he didn't win, but on the game itself. I realized that the best way for my husband to get through the hacking, fouling, shoving aspects of this business, he needed to see who he was becoming because of the game.

My husband is a business man and he works hard in every possible way. He makes phone calls, meets up with people, shows respect to those who have gone before him, and remains honest in an otherwise questionable environment. He runs errands, works with all kinds of jerks, and continually humbles himself. He would not brag about what he does or burn any bridges. Although he has times when he feels injured or benched, he is the guy I want playing when times get tough because he has been through it. He continues to go through it everyday. It doesn't matter how it ends, what matters is that he remained honest, upfront, and never gave up. What matters is that his character is in tact and his heart is still pounding with the knowledge that he fought his best.

Challenge: Grab a basketball, volleyball, soccer ball, baseball or whatever you like best and play with your husband, one on one :)

Past Judgement

I passed judgement! I passed it swiftly, too swiftly. My husband and I were talking and I said that he thought he was better then someone. The look on his face revealed the truth. His face went confused and then turned to concern and then he spoke gently, "I have never thought that." He looked hurt and I felt a small gavel slam in my chest. I had misjudged him.

Lucky for me, my husband didn't take offense but I kept thinking about that conversation. It wasn't an argument it was just a passing conversation and although it was small in significance, it was moment of realization for me. How often have I grabbed a symbolic gavel in my life and slammed it down without saying a word? Had I done this many times before with my husband without checking my facts?

I know I have done this many times and it has probably caused myself and him much pain. Now, I don't think I should say whatever I feel in the moment but I should definitely use my personal judgement and empathy to decide if my feelings are warranted.

I am finding judgement to be a personal journey for me. It is an essential part in a humans physical and spiritual growth. It keeps us from running out in the street, or going into an unsafe place. It can tell us when we've gone to far or missed an opportunity. It is just as important for me to pass judgement as it is for me to overrule judgements. When it comes to my husband, we can compare and contrast judgments. In the end, it is those judgements that help us find the middle ground.

Challenge: Use your judgement this week and ask your husband what he is thinking before you pick up the gavel.


Photo by scottamus on flickr

Sending It Out

I have believed for some time that if you send positive energy out you will receive positive energy back. It is truly the work of the spirit that connects us all. There is a connection that is only pure within the walls of our body and mind that swells when we are doing something good. It is ultimately why I started this blog.


My husband has that spiritual swelling when he has a conversation with others. I don't even thinks he knows it, but when he speaks to those he meets I can almost see that person become lighter as they talk to him. For instance, the other day, he went into an office to basically ask for a favor. He said when he walked in the woman at the desk was in a bad mood and did not want anything to do with him. When I asked how the interaction ended he said that she warmed up to him and told him she would do what she could to help.


Now if that were me, I'd have left that office with a story about a mean ol' lady! He truly has a gift. I think it is because of the knowledge I've gained from watching him over the years that has taught me that what you send out, you can receive.


Challenge: Find out what your husband is good at and ask him to teach you how to become better at that skill. Let him be the expert.

Photo by gunnel

We Take Care of We

I heard someone say the other day, "In order for me to love anyone outside myself, I first have to fall in love with myself." I've heard this comment many times in different ways. I like it and I don't like it. I like it because it reminds me of a fundamental importance in my life; I need to take care of me. And I don't like it because of a fundamental importance in my life; the more you forget yourself the more you find yourself.

I have recently started running a few times a week. It is hard to find the motivation but I actually feel better. Before I was running, I found myself nagging my husband with more volume. Now I unconsciously turned down the dial on my nagging. My husband has started to find ways to get a workout in here and there. He seems to be feeling better as well. We are slowly crawling out of our self-pity caves and feeling the bright sun on our faces. We are standing hand in hand. I'm so glad he is with me!

I take care of me. He takes care of he. But most importantly we take care of we. I won't always be in the sun and neither will he but if we are both there to coax each other out of those sorry caves then we are losing ourselves because we are we.

Challenge: Go for a walk and hold your Husband's hand.

American Husband

My husband is an American. He is not afraid to stand up for the standards he feels are most precious to this country. He works hard and he plays hard. And when times are bad, he reaches deep inside himself to make the right choice, the choice that is not most popular, but the choice that keeps his conscience in line with his heart. He loves this country.


When I think of America, I see my husband. Why, when America seems to be struggling at the moment? Well, here's what I see. I see my husband struggling to make ends meet. With that struggle, I find him looking for something to stop the pain of not being able to provide for his kids. What he has found to soothe that pain is more precious then gold. It's not video games, not alcohol, not drugs, not pornography. He has found time. He has found time with his kids that he didn't have before. He has found opportunity to fortify his children as they go out to face their world. He has found those tender moments with each child where time and thought are mingled with conversations. He has seen the light in their eyes when he sometimes can't find the light in his own. He has looked to the heart and not to the carnal needs of entitlement. He has embraced the friendships of his children while setting limits and allow consequences to teach. He would love to be rescued from our financial state but because he sees the beauty in allowing his children to struggle from time to time, he has found wisdom and empathy. His survival in these tough times does not come from something manufactured, it comes from finding the good in the struggle. And that is why my husband is America!


My husband is America because he loves, respects, and guides his family without taking away their most precious learning experiences. Without the struggle of going without, he would not have found the strong person he is today. When America is made up of men who find preciousness in struggles, it will stand strong.

Challenge: Talk to your husband about what America means to him.

Not All Peaches And Cream

Today, I let my selfishness get the better of me. Today, I pushed when I should have pulled. Today, I missed an opportunity to help.

My husband is a big dreamer. He eats, drinks, breaths, and sleeps his dreams. I'm not talking about Mr. Alex in Wonderland kind of dreams, I'm talking about his dreams of seeing himself where he wants to be. Beautiful home, healthy kids, a vacation to spend with just his wife, and a sporty airplane with himself as the pilot. It's almost like a hobby for him to imagine that day.

But there are those days when I see him letting go of those dreams. I do want him to believe that his life is beautiful today, in the present, but it hurts to see him say, "Oh, well" to his bigger dreams. When I see him giving up, I jump into a state of panic. Like today. He was about to leave the house with an attitude of "whatever happens happens, I can't do anything about it" and I stopped him. With all the temptations out their to give up and quit I couldn't let him leave the house already giving up. So I pounced. Not the good kind of pounce either. I used vicious words to get his attention. I tried to use words to get him to fight back, to prove me wrong. What good is that? How can negative words ever help someone?

It's not all peaches and cream. Some days I wake up frustrated and angry and all I want to do is blame someone else for making me fear the unknown. If I can't look at someone without getting frustrated then maybe I am taking the wrong action. Maybe opposition in all things means that when I want to scream, I should laugh or when I want to push away I should pull close. Maybe when all I feel is negative, I should oppose that with all my might. That way, when things are good for me, I can clear the path for them.

It may not make sense but without tasting the bad, peaches and cream wouldn't be so good.

Challenge: Make something delicious for your hubby tonight.

A Mary Banks Life

One of my favorite movies of all times is It's A Wonderful Life by Frank Capra. It's a beautiful depiction of the struggles one man faces when it comes to life and relationships. I can't help but compare in my own sphere the struggles my husband faces. George Banks is continually confronted with a choice between the right thing to do for others OR the right thing to do for himself. Towards the end, he is overcome with despair that he always chose the right thing to do for others. On Christmas Eve, when he was making that critical choice between life or death, his wife was sounding the call, "George is in trouble." At the end, he is able to see all the faces of those he had chosen above himself over the years. It's an incredible journey of realization.

There are times when I see the weight of the world on my husbands shoulders, as I'm sure many wives do. Those times when he chooses to help a family member when he'd rather be watching sports center. When he wakes up early Saturday morning to help strangers move when he'd rather sleep in. The countless times when he builds a friendship instead of making a quick buck. The times when he chooses family when he could be out golfing.

He is a better person because of these small choices. Imagine the boost he would get from a wife's words of encouragement. Just a few words can make a big difference in his life. Mary Banks knew that better then anyone.

Challenge: Give your husband a meaningful compliment next time you see him :)