We Take Care of We

I heard someone say the other day, "In order for me to love anyone outside myself, I first have to fall in love with myself." I've heard this comment many times in different ways. I like it and I don't like it. I like it because it reminds me of a fundamental importance in my life; I need to take care of me. And I don't like it because of a fundamental importance in my life; the more you forget yourself the more you find yourself.

I have recently started running a few times a week. It is hard to find the motivation but I actually feel better. Before I was running, I found myself nagging my husband with more volume. Now I unconsciously turned down the dial on my nagging. My husband has started to find ways to get a workout in here and there. He seems to be feeling better as well. We are slowly crawling out of our self-pity caves and feeling the bright sun on our faces. We are standing hand in hand. I'm so glad he is with me!

I take care of me. He takes care of he. But most importantly we take care of we. I won't always be in the sun and neither will he but if we are both there to coax each other out of those sorry caves then we are losing ourselves because we are we.

Challenge: Go for a walk and hold your Husband's hand.

American Husband

My husband is an American. He is not afraid to stand up for the standards he feels are most precious to this country. He works hard and he plays hard. And when times are bad, he reaches deep inside himself to make the right choice, the choice that is not most popular, but the choice that keeps his conscience in line with his heart. He loves this country.


When I think of America, I see my husband. Why, when America seems to be struggling at the moment? Well, here's what I see. I see my husband struggling to make ends meet. With that struggle, I find him looking for something to stop the pain of not being able to provide for his kids. What he has found to soothe that pain is more precious then gold. It's not video games, not alcohol, not drugs, not pornography. He has found time. He has found time with his kids that he didn't have before. He has found opportunity to fortify his children as they go out to face their world. He has found those tender moments with each child where time and thought are mingled with conversations. He has seen the light in their eyes when he sometimes can't find the light in his own. He has looked to the heart and not to the carnal needs of entitlement. He has embraced the friendships of his children while setting limits and allow consequences to teach. He would love to be rescued from our financial state but because he sees the beauty in allowing his children to struggle from time to time, he has found wisdom and empathy. His survival in these tough times does not come from something manufactured, it comes from finding the good in the struggle. And that is why my husband is America!


My husband is America because he loves, respects, and guides his family without taking away their most precious learning experiences. Without the struggle of going without, he would not have found the strong person he is today. When America is made up of men who find preciousness in struggles, it will stand strong.

Challenge: Talk to your husband about what America means to him.

Not All Peaches And Cream

Today, I let my selfishness get the better of me. Today, I pushed when I should have pulled. Today, I missed an opportunity to help.

My husband is a big dreamer. He eats, drinks, breaths, and sleeps his dreams. I'm not talking about Mr. Alex in Wonderland kind of dreams, I'm talking about his dreams of seeing himself where he wants to be. Beautiful home, healthy kids, a vacation to spend with just his wife, and a sporty airplane with himself as the pilot. It's almost like a hobby for him to imagine that day.

But there are those days when I see him letting go of those dreams. I do want him to believe that his life is beautiful today, in the present, but it hurts to see him say, "Oh, well" to his bigger dreams. When I see him giving up, I jump into a state of panic. Like today. He was about to leave the house with an attitude of "whatever happens happens, I can't do anything about it" and I stopped him. With all the temptations out their to give up and quit I couldn't let him leave the house already giving up. So I pounced. Not the good kind of pounce either. I used vicious words to get his attention. I tried to use words to get him to fight back, to prove me wrong. What good is that? How can negative words ever help someone?

It's not all peaches and cream. Some days I wake up frustrated and angry and all I want to do is blame someone else for making me fear the unknown. If I can't look at someone without getting frustrated then maybe I am taking the wrong action. Maybe opposition in all things means that when I want to scream, I should laugh or when I want to push away I should pull close. Maybe when all I feel is negative, I should oppose that with all my might. That way, when things are good for me, I can clear the path for them.

It may not make sense but without tasting the bad, peaches and cream wouldn't be so good.

Challenge: Make something delicious for your hubby tonight.

A Mary Banks Life

One of my favorite movies of all times is It's A Wonderful Life by Frank Capra. It's a beautiful depiction of the struggles one man faces when it comes to life and relationships. I can't help but compare in my own sphere the struggles my husband faces. George Banks is continually confronted with a choice between the right thing to do for others OR the right thing to do for himself. Towards the end, he is overcome with despair that he always chose the right thing to do for others. On Christmas Eve, when he was making that critical choice between life or death, his wife was sounding the call, "George is in trouble." At the end, he is able to see all the faces of those he had chosen above himself over the years. It's an incredible journey of realization.

There are times when I see the weight of the world on my husbands shoulders, as I'm sure many wives do. Those times when he chooses to help a family member when he'd rather be watching sports center. When he wakes up early Saturday morning to help strangers move when he'd rather sleep in. The countless times when he builds a friendship instead of making a quick buck. The times when he chooses family when he could be out golfing.

He is a better person because of these small choices. Imagine the boost he would get from a wife's words of encouragement. Just a few words can make a big difference in his life. Mary Banks knew that better then anyone.

Challenge: Give your husband a meaningful compliment next time you see him :)

Simple Smile

Hello you awesome husband-loving wives out there, this blog is for you! I had a wonderful thought today and it wasn't about how I wanna shape up my tush or cut back my calories or even write down another affirmation on a post-it to stick on my mirror. The thought was about my husband. It was a small simple thought but it was about him. He gave me a smile and I was suddenly launched into a state of gratitude.

Here is a guy who hasn't made a ton of money, he hasn't become the ultimate fighting champion, he hasn't played on the PGA tour and he has never been sky diving. In worldly eyes, he would be about as important as the Z-list celebrity's mail man (who gets mail anymore anyway). But you would never know if you saw the way he smiled at me today.

Now I'm not writing this blog to brag about my husband, but I'm writing to remind us (me and you, of course) that our husbands work hard for us. They carry the weight of a provider, protector, lover, counselor (once a month), father, brother, son and husband. My husband continues to face each day in this struggling economy. He continues to wake up and do his best to provide, even if it's not a ton of money. He continues to fight and protect our family, even if he's not the ultimate fighting champion. He continues to laugh and play with us, even if he's not on the PGA tour. He continues to take risks for our dreams, even if he's not jumping out of an airplane.

So here I write about the Husband That Could because if we don't believe then what is he fighting for.

Challenge: Give your husband an extra long hug tonight.